It has been ten days since I last wrote. I just haven’t had anything to say, but this morning I do. The following is from my personal journal which I wrote earlier this morning.
Luke 9:18-27 Who is Jesus? “The Messiah of God!”
Ok, what does that mean? He is the King, the Ultimate King, Ruler, Lord, the Above-All One. He is the Answer, the Yes of God. He is the Victor over all enemies.
But then the next verse: “The Son of Man must suffer, be rejected, be killed and be raised.” This is so inconceivable. How will Jesus rule or conquer: by suffering and death and then resurrection. His Lordship is through suffering. This morning the inconceivableness of that is so very real to me.
So what does that mean for me? My life is to be a life of suffering, little sufferings and then both little and Big resurrections. At no time in my life is this more real to me than now. It isn’t the Big “D” but the little “d’s”. It is the dying to myself. It is all the adjustments that have to be made daily because of the Big “C.” Adjustments of heat (Diane is always cold), of food (taste buds have drastically changed and eating is hard), of serving, of giving up dreams (yes of creating new, more realistic dreams), of adjusting time schedules, of limiting myself so that precious time can be spent together.
But all the little “d’s” also carry with them a difference, an inner sense of Life, of Love and even of Hope. My hope is not cure. My hope is a new sense of a changed, renewed and resurrected life-experienced in part today and fully in the Day Yet to Come.
I cannot say I am experiencing Joy in the adjustments and the serving, but I am experiencing a deeper Love-a deeper love for DianeMarie and a deeper love and appreciation for our Servant-King who showed me (us) the way of Living and dying daily.